All My Koopalings
by Treacle Parcheesi
Summary: A princess is forced to marry the newly inaugurated King Bowser Koopa. They travel around the Mushroom World, entertain each other, accomplish many great things together, and have many children. The perfect story for you lonely housewife Toads.
1. I Just Stole Your Heart

**Note: I decided to revise this story. Its former title was Yellow Roses. What a boring title, and it was a boring story. It's a gift for author StoryMaster64. She was generous enough to give me some very good ideas. Initially I wanted to ask her if she'd like me to draw a mustache on the Mona Lisa too, but that would be juvenile! After all I wrote this story to cope with some issues, but now these issues are resolved, and the true nature of this story can be revealed. Don't worry; the will still be nookie in this story, just a little, uh, classier nookie, and not so much gore. Some of the chapters that never made it to the actual story will find a home here too. Please read and review. ^^**

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><p>Several dozens of airships were docked in the sky over Earl and Countess Koopwick's estate. Wealthy and noble Koopa couples emerged from Warp Pipes. Relatively few of them came unaccompanied, regardless of age. Bowser watched with annoyance as a little Koopa boy, not older than six, taking the hand of his equally tiny date. "Madame, let me get you a glass of berry cider."<p>

"Oh come on, that's not _normal_!" Bowser barked, and proceeded by pulling the uncomfortable dinner jacket. "And why did you persuade me into this haircut? I look like a _total_ tool!"

Kamek leapt from the Doomship's ramp. He was formally dressed in his Tyrian robe. "This is Koopa Village, Your Largeness. Everyone here is so pleasant it's to die from."

The event took place in the manor's garden, which had been extravagantly decorated. The tall hedges were decorated with thousands of colorful lanterns. There was a large outdoor stage and a horseshoe table below, where seats for the royal guests were marked with their respective coat of arms. Bowser had to shake hands with a lot of affluent Koopas he for some reason didn't like, and probably already had a lot of anger he was bound to release upon someone, so Kamek decided to consume every beverage offered.

The expression on Bowser's face was not promising as a mingling couple, the Lord and Lady Kooperton, told him all about their lives and of their vacation resort for Koopas "He just had to visit sometime".

"You would love it there, Your Majesty," Lady Kooperton said energetically. "It's beautiful and always full of the most charming young Koopa ladies in the world. Many Toads also reside there."

"That's nice; Dart boards are always useful," Bowser said dryly. The only thing he hated more than women were Mushroom People.

The couple's smiles were replaced not by disgust, but concern. Lord Kooperton took the word, for once, and led his wife away. "Let's go get something to eat, dear."

Bowser turned to Kamek, his life-long caretaker. "I wanna go home. NOW!" A fireball jumped out of his mouth as if it feared him.

"I'm sorry, Your Sickliness, but the Koopwicks insisted that you attended this occasion. You're meeting with them tomorrow for lunch, and I dare suggest…" He lowered his voice. "That you practice making a good impression. We cannot afford to fall further out of favor with the Koopa Villagers."

King Koopa crossed his arms and looked resentfully at the aging wizard. "That's a new record. Tanked _before_ dinner." Kamek replied with a very audible hiccup.

Bowser had gone through a painful divorce a few years ago from his first wife, who had tried not only to make way with his money, but with their son Ludwig as well. However, his grandmother's will declared that he had to internationally strengthen his crown by marriage. He had the choice of finding someone at the Koopwick's garden festival, or employing a matchmaker. Both were unlikely to him.

Feedback from an old microphone made the crystal glasses on the dinner table crack. The party planner, a female Koopa with a mushroom pin in her lime green hair, walked up on the stage in front of the curtains. "One, two… Gentlemen, ladies, distinguished guests, Your Highnesses and Majesties," she actually curtsied. "Isn't this the best party _ever_?"

Everyone cheered. Bowser felt sick.

"To crown this evening of _awesome_, please welcome the Krool Koopharmonic Orchestra and the Koopville Troop!"

The curtains opened and lit a dozen sparklers, which were drowned out by the applause. The Orchestra and the Troop were bigger than sliced bread in the Mushroom Kingdom, and them being here was the experience of a lifetime for many of the guests.

The musicians began playing a romantic, but upbeat waltz as the many performers appeared one by one and began their glittering ribbon dance. The Troop consisted of the smallest Koopas Bowser had ever seen. They reminded of little, sparkly Christmas tree decorations.

The music intensified and the performers danced in a circle, revealing the tenth member, balancing on her left foot on a sparkling gold circus ball. Bowser had been bored to death until this point, where she danced to the edge of the stage and blew the audience kisses. His jaw dropped; and his breath vanished. He was both hot and cold at the same time, and his heart had either stopped beating, or was beating like crazy. The limelight was now focused on the Koopa dancer, revealing her bright yellow shell. Her dance consisted of perfect flutter jumps, twirls and moves seemingly impossible to any Koopa. She turned around as Bowser approached the stage and he caught her eye. Her gaze was magnetic; it was as if her dark eyes sparkled just for him. They said: "Oh, and by the way, I stole your heart." She smiled.

"Kamek!" Bowser whispered and shook his manservant. "Who is _that?"_

Kamek's cheeks were obviously flushed, and there was blue lipstick on his untidy collar. "That, Your Rottenness, is Eleanor Koopville. Her father was that British _schmuck_ with the lazy eye, and her mother's a real b..."

He didn't have time to finish before making a Technicolor yawn. Several people nearby withdrew in disgust.

The music reached the end of its climax and the dancing Eleanor stood perfectly on the tip her clawed foot and reaching her arms in the air. The audience praised her with thundering applause, and she bowed at them along with the rest of the Troop.

As soon as the curtains fell, Bowser set course for the backstage, where the dancers were having a breather. He demanded to be directed to the dressing rooms. There was a Starman reading "Speedy Yellow" on the door he didn't bother to knock before entering.

Eleanor Koopville, AKA Speedy Yellow sat at her vanity drinking champagne from the bottle while cleansing her face. "Alice, if that's you again, I've already told you…" Speedy's voice died as she turned around and her eyes fell on Bowser. She was even more intriguing to him now that she had removed the glitter wig and costume. Her real hair was blonde and tangled, with each tangle ending in a colorful tip. She had no horns, of course. No female Koopas do, but she had two orange stripes on her right temple.

"Milady, I am King…"

"Majesty," she interrupted with a curtsy, which was tradition among noble and royal British Koopas.

"Yes, I was wondering…"

"Are you planning a party?" She asked with a polite smile.

Bowser smiled deceptively. "I am."

"If you want our troupe to entertain your guests, we'll be _soooo_ honored. Just contact our manager on this number." She searched through the inside pocket of her short dressing robe. The card she left in his hand was warm. Bowser presented a bouquet of roses he had nicked from a centerpiece. "Your performance was, uh, cool beans," he said smoothly and planted a kiss on her hand.

"Th… Thank you, Sire," she said; breathless. "Yellow roses are my favorite." She held the bunch to her face and had a deep sniff.

"_And I just _love_ you, Speedy Yellow,"_ Bowser said to himself as he closed her door. _"I can't wait to make you mine forever."_


	2. Marry Bowser, Or Off With Your Head

Some weeks later after the event at Koopa Village, Speedy started training for the fall and Christmas shows, which were always the most heavily visited. She had decided to put some new moves into their piece, and they proved to be more difficult than she had expected. One move ended in a back flip, landing on her hands on the circus ball, and she failed it every time. To hide the bruises, she wore leg warmers on her arms.

Speedy entered the private rehearsal room in the Water Land manor she shared with her mother. She had just finished preparing for another day of non-stop practice when a maid knocked on the doorframe. "Miss Eleanor? Your mother wants to talk to you."

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><p>"Marriage?" Speedy jumped up from the couch. "Uh-uh. No way."<p>

Her mother, Baroness Shelly Koopville, just kept feeding her spoiled, fat Pomeranian pistachio macarons while her gang of lawyers frowned. "It's the best way to ensure your future, dear. You know your brothers stand to inherit the entire estate as well as the family fortune, according to your father's will. He never did approve of you, Eleanor. Maybe if you could have just stuck to needlework and singing like a normal…"

"I'm not gonna stand here and listen to this!" Her dark eyes sparked. "My first and only love is dancing. That's how I'll provide for myself, thank you." That line was the very one she had used while completely alienating every suitor who came to the estate.

Baroness Koopville shook her head. "I won't hear about it. I will not die having raised an old maid. You are already seventeen and not married! Please do me the favor of knowing you'll live prosperously. Your match is the richest Koopa in and outside of Dark Land."

Speedy sighed. "Then, who is it?"

"King Bowser Koopa, ruler of Dark Land and commander of the Koopa Troop."

"It's a very fortunate match, Lady Eleanor," Baroness Koopville's lawyer said to intercept any objections. "King Koopa was originally to marry the daughter of the Duke and Duchess Koopwick, but he personally came to your mother to ask for your hand."

"How romantic," Speedy said dryly. "But my answer is still no. I will not leave the Troop."

"You don't have a choice," said Spike, her cousin, also a lawyer. "The law clearly says that any Koopa girl of lesser family that rejects a royal suitor can be executed. You either marry Bowser Koopa, or off with your head!"

Speedy had read all about King Bowser in the same gossip magazines whose interviews she had been avoiding all her life ("I'm only a public figure when I dance, and not even then I say a word, tosspots!") He was in possession of a vast fortune, more than half of which was accumulated illegally. To Speedy, he appeared as nothing more than a spoiled momma's boy who put matter over mind. On the other hand, all of the magazines had also given him the title "Most Attractive Koopa", which she had to admit to herself, was very much justified, indeed.

"Please, do this. If not for you, for me," the Koopa Baroness took her daughter's hand. Speedy felt a cold flash of guilt from nowhere, and bit her lip to ease the doubt.

"All right, Mother. I… I will."

"Excellent. The help will have your things prepared for you. You're leaving for Dark Land tomorrow morning."

Afterwards, Speedy returned to the dancing room, not to practice, but to say goodbye. She would legally be an adult in three days, but she knew she would never again… She, the tiniest dancer of the Koopville Troop. Tomorrow Queen of the Koopas, married to King Bowser, and bound to his castle. She chose a soft part of her arm to pinch just to see if she was dreaming.

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><p>It was still dark when she sat up in her bed. Speedy was a lively Koopa, but at the same time not really a morning person. She reckoned that as things had changed, a lot more would also soon change.<p>

Her mother followed her daughter to the Sea Side Marina. She had made her daughter wear her best Sunday dress; the yellow Gingham one.

"My dear Eleanor, listen closely." She rested her hands on Speedy's shoulders. "This is not some cabaret tour you're embarking on. The matrimony will give you the title of queen consort. It is a royal title, and with it, you'll have a lot of influence on the king of Koopas. Use it very wisely."

The Koopville Troop was also there, and because they were so tiny, managed to squeeze themselves past the press and police to hug the namesake of their group.

"We're gonna miss you so much! Write every day!" Leafy Green kissed Speedy on the cheek.

"We love you, baby!" the oldest girl, Groovy Blue embraced her.

"Send us candy from Dark Land!" Pretty Pink wasn't sad, but happy that her friend had found herself a man.

The captain and the crew welcomed the Baroness' daughter, and made sure she got safely aboard _Doom Dancer_, their ship. Alice Koopa, the Troop's composer and dance instructor, would keep her company on the journey.

He had not taken the news well; Speedy was such a promising young talent and he was so proud that she called him her mentor. Speedy loved Alice, he was so flamboyant and funny, and always in a good mood. She had never met any other male Koopa who loved glittery shoes or rainbows as much as she did, and wondered why he didn't a wife.

"So, the dreadful King Koopa wants to _flutter_ around you," Alice said and hiccupped. Speedy slapped his wrist and took a sip form his champagne bottle.

"Don't use that kind of language! I'm your Queen now." Speedy burst into laughter. Oh, the sunset was beautiful!

"Because your mother wants you married off. Do you even know what your fiancé looks like up close?"

Speedy nodded and took off a large, jewel-encrusted locket that had been around her neck. "Yeah." She opened it. "Here he is."

It was a portrait miniature made especially for her and sent to her, for her to look at during her trip. She had returned the favor by sending Bowser one of her handkerchiefs kept in her plastron, while having a hard time believing the royals still followed up such medieval traditions.

"He _is_ kind of handsome," She admitted.

"But he's a _Dark Land – _Koopa! They consider nickelodeons high culture!" Alice closed the locket with a bang. Speedy smiled at him. "I'm so glad you're not freaking out, although you didn't see this one coming. I didn't either, so…"

"Oh, it's cool." Alice belched into the back of his claw. "You know what they say about noblewomen performers. The best ones are always married off or beheaded."

"Do you also live in Dark Land, Captain?" Speedy as Captain Koopley came by to see if she needed anything. It was late in the afternoon, and the June sun made the ocean glitter.

"I only sail to Dark Land if the Koopa King wants to be taken to his summer castle, or when he has special shipments coming to him, like he does today," Captain Koopley added a strained laugh, but luckily the passenger didn't catch on. "To get there on this route, we must warp past Dinosaur Land."

"Dinosaur Land? Really?" The soon-to-be bride folded her hands happily like a child on Christmas morning. All her life she had dreamed of visiting the beautiful, lush Real World - island. It was one of the few Mushroom Galaxy outposts on Earth that weren't inhabited by humans. Speedy was very afraid of humans.

When the _Doom Dancer_ approached Dark Land Dock, the crew, who had been singing and swapping stories the entire trip turned silent and glum. It didn't surprise her – Dark Land was a very, um, dark place. There was no sun – the sky was covered in black clouds and the only natural light came from heat lightning in the distance. It smelled like a damp cellar.

An elderly Magikoopa, accompanied by several Hammer Bros, waited for Speedy at the docks.

"Lady Koopville, on behalf of King Koopa, and the Koopa Troop, I welcome you to Dark Land." He took her small, clawed hand and shook it. It was very reassuring, but his voice was torture to listen to. "I am Kamek, the caretaker of the royal household and of the King."

Speedy let him take her hand and was relieved he didn't kiss it.

"I'll organize your belongings and let you say your good-byes. Then you must come with me."

She was too nervous to speak, just nodded, straightened her clothes and followed him. The Hammer Bros carried her things; one was put in charge of guarding her favorite circus ball.

Kastle Koopa was a very intimidating structure. Kamek had foreseen Speedy's anxiety. "Are you nervous, dear? There's no need to be. You're a big star in Dark Land, and the people will all be gathered here tomorrow to see you. Does that help?"

Speedy took a deep, shuddery breath. "Not really, no."

"No, why would it be?" The Magikoopa sighed and turned around and signaled to the Troopas to open the main entrance door, which was shaped as Bowser's head.

The first thing she saw when entering the first hall was the giant portrait of King Koopa, and next to it, a smaller one of a blue-haired Koopaling. The rumors were true; Bowser did have a son. Rumor also had it that his first wife had been beheaded, although there was no hard evidence to back that up. Speedy was taken to the third floor.

"As you have yet to come of age, Mademoiselle, the tradition says that you will have to stay in the dressing room until you are legally an adult. You will then meet your suitor, and the wedding will take place two days after."

"What? Why can't I see him now?" Speedy's jaw dropped. No one had said anything about this.

"In the meantime," Kamek continued as if no interruption had taken place, "All the arrangements will be made by the royal wedding planners." (That was him and his partner, Kamella). "Do you have any particular requests?"

Speedy thought long and hard. "Yes. Will you tell the cook that I can't have sweets, or meat? Sugar makes me hyper, and I'm a vegetarian."

One of the Hammer Bros snickered. Kamek stomped on his foot; what an objectionable breach of decorum! "Of course, young lady." He opened the door to the dressing room. The name didn't do it justice – it was bigger than the first floor of her house at Sea Side; and incidentally, much more luxurious.

"If you need anything at all, just tell the Troopas outside your door. It's six o'clock; what would you like for dinner?"

Nobody had ever asked her that. "Oh, uh, I'd like a cup of tea and a piece of toast with butter, please."

"Tea and toast for Lady Koopville." Kamek shoved the Hammer Bro, who sourly limped out.

The bridal suite had a radio and a television set, but Speedy had never been interested in either. She lay down on the stone divan by the window and flipped open the miniature of Bowser again. She was nervous. And in Dark Land, which was very far away from Sea Side City. Luckily the English Breakfast Tea was the same here as it was at home. Home. This was her new home now.

After cutting the crust of the toast before eating it, she fell asleep.


	3. A Delightfully Demented Wedding

Bowser paced back and forth in his drawing room. "She's here in my castle? You're sure?" He nagged Kamek for the one billionth time. The one billionth and tenth time, to be exact…

"She is, Your Awfulness. She will be arriving shortly."

"Do I look OK? I don't have food in my face, do I?"

"No," Kamek said. He was gradually losing patience, and Bowser picked up on it.

"Don't you "no" me, you old geezer, I…" He grabbed the wizard's neck, but didn't have time to squeeze it before a Hammer Bro opened the door.

"Sire, Lady Eleanor," he said and stepped aside.

Bowser's little fiancée stopped nervously on the threshold and scratched her ankle with her right foot. She looked at him, and the revelation was tremendous – this was the Koopa that had given her the yellow roses. She still had one left; which she now used as a hair stick. Her spirit was immediately lifted, and she skipped inside the room. Cold sweat broke out on King Koopa's forehead again. He took her hand and kissed it. It stung.

"Speedy, welcome home," he said in a manner he thought chivalrous.

"Thank you," she replied meekly.

"Walk with me," he said, and led her out of the room and onto the terrace, where a sight Speedy had always detested greeted them with their garish lights. It was a huge gathering of press and reporters. Their noise, bawdy questions and popping flash bulbs were nauseating. She looked over her shoulder, but the hallway was full of guards. No way out there.

Bowser had always enjoyed being the center of attention wherever he went, but Speedy lived for applause. The press never applauded anyone, just sucked them dry and went over to the next big thing.

She smiled artificially, while her fiancé answered the question of a cyan-haired Koopa carrying a novelty notepad. "King Koopa, when will the wedding take place?"

"Saturday. And you're all invited." He let them take some more pictures before dragging Speedy back inside. She was even more fascinating up close; so vulnerable and helpless. He loved that in women. And his fiancée obviously trusted him, she held on to his arm. In reality, she was still very nervous, and all the while Bowser was boasting and showing off, she was praying she wouldn't make a fool of herself.

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><p>Finally, the wedding day arrived. Everything about the reception plans made King Koopa frown, from the very simple ceremony to the sugar free lemon curd wedding cake. But the planner had decorated the main hall very well, with yellow flowers and white drapes.<p>

Bowser himself donned a pastel lemon tuxedo jacket which didn't really befit him and made him feel like an Easter decoration. He was standing on the second step of Kastle Koopas grand staircase, with his wizard helper, in a yellow robe. All members of high Koopa society were gathered alongside the bridal carpet, but there was no press. They waited outside, ravenous and star struck.

Ludwig von Koopa, Bowser's only son and child, was temporarily on leave from Freaky Fred Memorial Institute for the Criminally Insane. You see, the last time the royal Koopa family had a reunion, several of the relatives forgot to applaud his musical talents. The evening had culminated in what the Chief Justice of the Supreme Koopa Court called "The Shakespeare ending of the century". Wearing a cummerbund over his straightjacket, he opened the lid to the humongous pipe organ, letting the bride march up to the staircase to the ominous tunes of _Sorry, Tulip_.

Bowser admired her dress. Kamella, a Magikoopa and self-proclaimed fashionista had sewn it; it had a yellow top and a black skirt with Speedy's coat of arms appliquéd in gold. Kamella had a weakness for medieval designs. The bride herself didn't have two cents to throw in. If she did she'd object to the ermine lining; which was very warm. She walked up the second step, trying not to trip in the dress' train.

Kamek wrapped the couple's hands together in a piece of cloth with Bowser's emblem, dunked the bundle in a bowl of holy water, and read a little too loud and clear from his Book of Hours: "Whatever force brought these lonely souls together, shall no disease, catastrophe, Tories or SOPA act tear apart."

King Koopa could smell the juice on the sorcerer's breath and was enraged. He would have to remind himself to order a headstone after the wedding. In addition to being the organ player, Ludwig also had the role of ring bearer. He brought forth a cushion nesting the ring, and a spiky metal tiara. Bowser placed the ring on her finger. The yellow diamond was as big as a teacup.

"Power," Bowser said, for those were his vows.

"Purity," Speedy replied. Again, these antiquated traditions…

Kamek placed the tiara on Speedy's head. "Your Highness, I crown you the Queen consort of Dark Land." He turned to Bowser. "You may kiss the bride."

However, when Bowser let go of Speedy's hand to embrace her, she was pulled down by the gem's weight with a yelp. Her husband quickly helped her to her feet and brushed her off, completely messing up her hair, veil and makeup in the process. She smiled and then kissed him. It tasted like Fritos.

The guests applauded them, and Ludwig waved at the newlyweds while being dragged out by a couple of Medikoopas. "I love you, Daddy dearest," he said with a delightfully demented smile across his little face. Speedy could see Bowser's concern.

"Give him time, dear," she said. "In a few years he'll outgrow this and go back to torturing pageant judges, like normal Koopalings."

"I'm sure too, um, sweetie." King Koopa took his Queen's hand. "Now let's all get drunk and make asses of ourselves!"

The guests cheered.

The Koopville Troop was there, but as a sign respect towards Speedy, who was now disallowed dancing per instructions of court etiquette they didn't perform at the reception. Alice Koopa blew Speedy kisses.

"An honest woman in my troupe," he said jokingly. "The shame in _unbearable_."

Then the crowd opened up a little, and Alice saw Kamek. For some reason his interest was awakened, and he excused himself to chase the wizard.

Groovy Blue and Pretty Pink took Speedy's arm. "Can you introduce us to Bowser? _Please_?"

"Uh, sure," she replied; obviously her friends were just as star-struck as the crowd on the castle's doorstep. "Oh, here he is now. Dear? Dear, my girlfriends want to say hi."

By then the whole Troop had gathered around him. The Koopa king nodded at them, not sure what else to say.

"Hi, girls."

They began hollering like teenyboppers at a Beatles concert, and leaping up and down like cute little frogs. Bowser took a deep breath and restrained himself; if he had been just slightly lesser a Koopa, he would likely have bagged the entire group.

"You're so lucky!" Happy Orange took out her camera and inserted a flash bulb. It wasn't easy to operate this hypermodern thing. Happy wasn't the brightest bulb either. "Say cheese!"

"Wait!" Leafy Green and Timid Mint put away their champagne bottles and jumped in the frame. Bowser almost cringed as they leant against him; for God's sakes, he was _just_ a man!

Right after taking the picture, Groovy tugged at Timid Mint's sleeve. "Danger, danger," she said between her teeth and shook her head in the direction of Alice. A scene was building on the horizon.

"I tell you again, young sir; in my case you are barking up the wrong tree."

"Oh, crap!" Timid sprinted toward their leader, grabbing him by the elbows and trying to escort him away from Kamek and the crowd of curious party guests.

"We apologize," Happy said to Kamek. "But in his defense, your robe is a little revealing. I can see your ankles."

"What?" Kamek was flabbergasted. By then Bowser had realized what the commotion was all about and began laughing.

Alice however, didn't feel like getting back on top of the old wagon just yet, and made a heel turn still with the girls clutching his arms. He swung himself just enough for Groovy to lose her grip, and she was flung right into the cake, which in turn tilted over and fell off the table.

"My Douche and Garbaga!" A socialite Koopa woman burst into tears over her tailored gown. She was not the only one with a ruined wardrobe, and those afflicted looked a little bloodthirsty.

"Uh, honey," Bowser took his wife's hands. She was still trying to figure out the situation. "My Doomship is prepared for our honeymoon. Let's leave, what do you say?"

She stared at the others, and then nodded. "OK, dear. Let's go."

In the midst of the fighting, shouting and war-declaring wedding guests, the royal couple shared their second, and much more sincere kiss.


	4. We're Married Now, Little Wife

**I have to admit; when nobody sees it I love watching my stories. ^^ This is a chapter with Koopa lovin', so if you're squeamish about that, you probably shouldn't read it. But what else would expect from young newlyweds?**

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><p>The weather conditions couldn't have been more perfect. The Doomship sailed over a Mushroom Kingdom and soon, Real World bathed in the sun. While on the subject of bathing, King Bowser had spent most of the honeymoon's first day lounging in the deck's pool, but Speedy couldn't sit still and instead ran across the deck to see the world below from all possible angles; with her pie hole on auto-pilot, of course.<p>

"Enjoying the scenery, little wife?" Bowser looked at her.

"It's like seeing the Mushroom Kingdom for the first time! Our troupe leader never let us really experience the cities we travel to, it's always practice, practice, practice."

"That's just awful," King Koopa ruthlessly chewed the life out of a defenseless cockroach. "But you know, there are even bigger cities out there than just…"

"Oh, look! There's Dinosaur Land!" she climbed up on the railing and pointed down on the little green island. "That's my favorite place in the universe, although I've never been there." She blushed.

"You've never been there?" Bowser dried himself off and stood by her side.

"Have _you_?" She turned around and looked at him, rather defiantly.

He smiled smoothly (for Bowser). "It just so happens that I have two fortresses, two hunting lodges, two castles and a summer palace in Dinosaur Land. Would you like me to take you there?"

Speedy said nothing, just laid her dainty little claw on his big, burly one. The touch said more than her usual thousand words.

"Then I will do just that," he whispered into her hair. He couldn't believe how little it took to keep her happy.

Of course, Bowser hadn't visited his summer home since his parents forced him to, but it was still loyally maintained by the island's native Koopas, who received a pretty incensed phone call demanding them to clean every nook and cranny, restock the food storage and wine cellar as well as redecorate the master bedroom and the late Dowager Queen Koopa's boudoir.

"We're here, we're actually here," Speedy said blissfully and twirled around in an unmistakable happy dance. Bowser tried the same, tipping over a bunch of statues and destroying his mother's portrait while doing so. He didn't think she saw it, as she turned to one of the Hammer Bros. "Where is my sweater?"

"Right here, Your Highness," they replied as they carried her trunks, circus ball and yoga mat.

In the beginning, Bowser had wondered if he could deal with not being in the public eye all the time. But his absence seemed to actually have added to his popularity, as witnessed by the fresh gossip rags on the Palace's kitchen counter.

"It's a beautiful evening, little wife," Bowser said as watched her practice on her ball. "We'll eat on the balcony at eight." He didn't want to leave her, but he had to or else the dinner wouldn't be perfect.

After working up a sweat she decided that she'd had enough exercise for the day. She put away the ball and mat, and started unpacking her belongings to put them away.

Speedy didn't notice however that Kamella entered the royal master bedroom, as she didn't knock.

"Tut-tut," she said condescendingly. "Completely unacceptable."

Speedy held her hand over her chest; she had been really startled. "What are you doing in here? And what's so unacceptable?"

Kamella looked sternly down her glasses at the little queen. "You're now a Royal Koopa. To you, there are several things that are unacceptable. For instance, it is highly improper for a Queen to rummage through boxes like a hungry Toady. Second, you didn't greet me upon my entrance."

"You didn't knock!" Speedy objected." Kamella frowned and her painted green lips puckered up.

"And there is absolutely an unequivocally no sass-mouthing!" She exhaled. Speedy walked towards the door, tired of her firm lady-in-waiting.

"Where are you off to, young lady?" Kamella teleported to the doorframe.

"Dinner," Speedy tried a frantic lie.

"That's the last thing on my checklist for the day." The Koopa sorceress blocked Speedy's way out. "This is officially your wedding night, young Queen. You can't go to dinner looking like this. And my dear, now that you are married, it is indecent for you to wear your hair down."

When not having her orders objected to, Kamella was quite nice. She knew how to prepare nervous young ladies for their dates, or in the case of Koopa princesses like Speedy, forced marriages.

She cut Speedy's hair while bathing her into a Mohawk with slightly curled ends. She used her magic to avoid cutting off the colorful tips by moving them up the hair strands and cutting off the regular yellow hair now underneath.

"A _faux pas_ for a Koopa lady of your standing is to not wear makeup in public," Kamella explained. She rubbed some chamomile cream on Speedy's face before adding a discreet foundation, "smoking" her eyes with kohl and dark eye shadow. As Kamella went to find a suitable dress for the evening, Speedy took the handheld mirror and studied her reflection. The sorceress had done a very decent job on her makeover, but still, Speedy didn't know if she liked it. She thought the makeup was too mature for her. The last time she wore any, she also wore a tanuki costume.

"Evening occasions always call for floor-length dresses and heeled shoes," Kamella finished sprinkling a scent over Speedy's skin. "And jewelry. Where is your wedding ring?"

"In the jewel box," Speedy said. "It's so heavy."

She had to wear it anyway, along with earrings and a diamond choker. She felt like a Christmas tree when she was ready.

"You are now presentable and prepared for the evening," Kamella declared. "I will escort you to the dining area, where you will meet your husband the King. I wish you good luck."

* * *

><p>King Koopa waited for Speedy on the balcony, which had been thoroughly cleaned and tidied up in her absence. The tiles were spotless, and someone had rolled out a purple carpet and set out pots of climbing roses.<p>

He kissed her hand, and then walked her to their table. Speedy thought of Kamella's lessons in decorum.

"You're very handsome in those spiky collars," she said bashfully.

Bowser loved her compliment, and followed it up with a not so heartrending: "And if you were a bonbon I'd save you for last."

Two Toadies in smoking jackets served them couscous and mushroom casserole. Bowser had wanted big, juicy lamb shanks and bottles of vodka, but for some reason thought this could offend his vegetarian wife.

To ease the conversation, champagne, already opened with the cork stuck in the dry wall, was poured for her. Speedy had a weakness for the bubbles. After two glasses all formalities were tossed aside and she talked endlessly about nothing, just like she had done with her friends. Having her full, undivided and admiring attention… Well, nothing was better.

"Should I show you the view Bowser Valley before you get more than just slightly tipsy?" He hid the bottle and rose from his seat to take her hand.

"That would be lovely."

The moon used the palace garden's reflecting pool as a mirror, and a warm wind made the berry bushes rustle softly.

"How long can we stay here?" Speedy clutched the arm of her husband.

"'Till our scales fall off," Bowser drew her closer, but the look on her face kept his hands from becoming too naughty. All in good time.

"That sounds fair. Hey, you know what we never got around to do?" she asked, and smiled secretively. Bowser started cold-sweating again. "Uhm, what?"

"We never got to dance at our wedding." She tried to drag him out on the balcony's tile floor, which was a comical sight.

"But I've never danced in my life," he protested.

"No problem," she said. "Follow my lead."

They started moving, and it was not a pretty sight. "One, two, three, one, two, three… OW!"

Bowser had stepped on her foot. "I'm terribly sorry!" He let go of her. Speedy cleared her throat. "It's ok. Uh, when I learned how to waltz, my teacher said to think of it as a play. Act one," they took their position. "Act two," they swung themselves once, "Act three. We'll just repeat until you're ready to advance."

Several failures and treading mishaps later, their dance was actually recognizable as a waltz. They danced until Bowser needed a break, and when he was done, Speedy was sitting on the stone bar. She smiled cleverly at him for a second, and then she wrapped her leg around his hip and pulled him close. Bowser was surprised that someone with such small dancer legs could be so strong; there was no denying her force.

"Our ceremony was perfect. Your foot popped up when we kissed."

Bowser blushed, and he gasped. "It did not pop up!"

She chuckled. "Yes it did! And it was adorable. Where do _you_ get _your_ pedicures?"

Bowser's jaw dropped. "Oh, you will pay for that!" he tried to grasp her, but she was too quick for him. Her giggling was like a little brook. She kicked off her shoe on purpose. "Oh, no! Now I can't run!"

Her husband lifted her up into his arms and kissed her on the forehead. "You're like sunshine in a jar to me."

Her smile widened and she nuzzled him, and then whispered into his ear: "I think we should do it now."

Their bedroom had been tidied up and the bed made. Speedy lay down and kept her clever eyes on him as he leant over her and rested his hand on her chest. All of a sudden, the powerful, iron-fisted Koopa King was so astounded he couldn't really decide where to put his hands. Speedy lifted her head, apparently to kiss him, but instead, gnawed on his right horn; a straightforward, aggressive invite. And incidentally, one he hadn't received for quite some time.

"Do I frighten you?" She asked with a face like stone.

Bowser's heart was pounding. "You bring me to my knees, baby."

Speedy leg-locked him by the waist, prepared to blow his mind. Her lying there like a cold fish wasn't her idea of a fulfilling matrimonial covenant. "Now, Your Awfulness, would you like to see what _really_ plays in Peoria these days?"

"Yes, please," Bowser muttered.

She kept her fingers teasingly on his horn while kissing his temple, and in time, neck. He had many conquests behind him and literally, plenty of notches in his bedpost. But this was different. Must have been something in the Sea Side City water supply. So he savored every gentle kiss and sweet whisper until it was time for her to learn who had the real authority. He laid his claws on her lower arms and helped her getting near him, really near…

She gasped.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Speedy muttered. "I just love being close to you." That irresistible spark of defiance showed up on her face again. "I love it… I love it, I love it…"

She was meddling with powers she didn't fully understand, and for that, Bowser had to punish her. By the time she had learned her lesson, _he_ would have stolen _her_ heart too.

* * *

><p>"Dear?"<p>

"Huh?" Bowser was torn out of his catnap. Her scent was on his skin, consequently, his most primal instincts had been satisfied.

"I can't really name half of the things we just did in this bed, but I'm sure there was a sin there somewhere."

Speedy shuddered, so Bowser held her close and pulled up the blankets to keep her warm. She could feel his velvety snout against her shoulder, and he rubbed his snout against it. "We're married now, little wife. Everything goes."

She didn't make any further objections, but resumed pillow-talking. "Well; everything you have shown me today has been wonderful. Especially that making-biscuits thing at the end."

"You're very welcome. I love you," He added, but was unsure if she had heard it, as she was limp and breathing softly; sleeping.


	5. A Trip To The Moon

**Again, I thank StoryMaster64 for her help in making this story beautiful. Have a nice one, dear.**

* * *

><p>Their honeymoon on Dinosaur Land had been like a fairy tale, but now the nights were getting colder, and Speedy and Bowser both agreed that it was time to return to Dark Land and Kastle Koopa, as the Neon Castle was not warm enough to spend the winter in.<p>

As part of her new royal duties Speedy let Kamek paint a state portrait, with her wearing a blue sash and a gown and all. The Magikoopa had started to grow on her; she had no other choice than to let him, as Bowser always surrounded himself with a large court to wait on him hand and foot. For him it was a formality, for her it was impossible to understand the need.

"Is it getting along nicely?" Speedy asked. She had been standing on the square rug for four hours, and she was both hungry and thirsty, and needed to use the little Queen's room.

"Very much so, Your Highness. Please flex your hand a little so I can see the ring better."

All of a sudden one of the sorcerer's colleagues interrupted the session. "Master Kamek? Your presence is requested downstairs."

"Can't you see I'm busy?" Kamek snarled.

The other Magikoopa whispered something to the leader behind the figure-size canvas. Speedy tried to eavesdrop without breaking her pose.

"Criminy…" Kamek put down his palette and followed the other one out. Speedy knew that they would have to start the painting over again if she left, but she was desperate. Maybe she could bribe the artist out of sulking when she returned from the bathroom.

But Kamek wasn't there when she returned. So she took off her regalia and handed it to the Hammer Bro guard by the door, before heading for the stairs.

"It's fantastic." Bowser looked sad and happy at the same time; a face rarely seen. "He's home."

Speedy looked at the scene from behind a statue of Poopa la Koopa, but the others moved into the salon, and their voices faded away. She was so curious she couldn't restrain herself, and ventured closer.

Bowser and the two Magikoopas had greeted a company of orderly Koopa Troopas with a third member she couldn't see. For some reason, she felt drawn to that very one, so she entered the room. Her husband looked up at her.

"Speedy, this is amazing," he said happily. "These two say that my son has been released. Isn't that amazing?"

One of the Troopas nodded in agreement. "The Koopaling shows no signs of Koopicidal tendencies, although I'll advise that he is not to be left out of sight for too long."

Bowser led her to his only child, who didn't look all that excited to meet his stepmother.

Ludwig von Koopa was, in lack of a better word, an interesting character. The word he used to describe Speedy on the inside of his mind was something she preferred not to know. But she decided to be diplomatic and came down to the prince's level, a great blunder for someone of her status, but a blunder of little importance. To ease the introduction, everyone but Bowser left the room.

"Who are you?"

Ludwig had a German accent among layers of tension. Speedy wasn't deterred by it; with all the weirdoes among her fans, how could she have been?

"You know who I am. I'm your friend. You met me at the wedding."

Bowser interrupted. "This is your new mother, and you will respect her."

Speedy tried not to cringe; what an inconsiderate thing to say to a vulnerable child.

"Is she really?" Ludwig asked coldly.

Speedy was getting uncomfortable, so she had to shift her weight. She reached her hand out to do so, but Ludwig confused the movement with a wish to touch him. In the blink of an eye his claws swept over Speedy's hand and slashed it.

"Ah!" She yelped and got up on her feet.

"That's it! It's the dungeon for you!" Bowser grabbed his son by the nape of his neck and dragged him toward the stair to the cellar.

"Are you alright, Your Highness?" Kamek asked.

"It's nothing; it just looks worse than it really is." Speedy wrapped her hand up in Kamek's cap, which was offered to her. "Thanks. Oh, and Kamek? Let's not include the bloodstains on the portrait."

* * *

><p>After a light dinner and a bath, Speedy decided to try and talk to Ludwig again. His chamber was located in the western tower, on the top floor.<p>

She knocked on the door, and it glided open, as it hadn't been closed properly. The room was beautiful, large and spacious. There was a very comfortable armchair by a stained glass window of a human woman, Sappho, in a green and purple robe, with large bat wings.

This was the Kastle Koopa nursery, where all the Koopa kings had spent their early years.

Ludwig himself was seated by his ancient harpsichord; an instrument that looked like it had been through hell. He looked up. "Hi, _Mom_," he said condescendingly.

"You can stop that." Speedy sat down in the armchair. "Because I'm not your mother." She raised an eyebrow to him, completely untouched by his evil stare.

"Then why do you hassle me?"

"Because I'm a person you're going to have to live with for a long time. Like it or lump it, it's your choice. I just want it stated for the record that I tried."

She rose from her seat and headed for the door.

Ludwig went back to his sheet music again. "You have a petite build, blonde hair and a slight twang. Your walk is unrestrained, so you probably use a lot of free movements in your exercise routine. You're not from Dark Land. Not even the Mushroom Kingdom."

Speedy stopped. "What was the _dead_ giveaway?"

"Your accent of course."

"Hmm. Well, you're right; I'm not from the Mushroom Kingdom; I was born in England and lived there with my older brothers until I was six. And I use a lot of free movements, seeing as I'm a dancer."

Ludwig's curiosity had been roused. "Can you sing?"

She snorted. "Well, we do sing a little in our Christmas plays, but everyone's voice just melts in with everyone else's."

"Nonsense," the Koopaling retorted, and a hit a key on the virginal. "Can you read sheet music?"

"No," she admitted.

"You can't?" He said curtly. "That's fine. You _can_ hear, right? Make this tone." He hit the key again, and she repeated the sound. She carried the tune, but –

"Don't sing with your throat," Ludwig snapped. "Sing with your lungs and belly."

"How?"

Ludwig von Koopa sighed irritated. "Just imagine that your windpipe is in your belly. Again!" He hit the key.

She sang the note once more, with more enthusiasm and lot clearer. But the Koopaling shook his head in a singular fashion. "You're late! _Again_!"

* * *

><p>Speedy was standing on the large stage of the Toad Town Opera, holding the very tone Ludwig had taught her three months earlier. He had written the ancient silent film <em>Le Voyage Dans La Lune <em>into an operetta. The opera house was completely packed, like every holiday performance the Koopville Troop had ever showed.

"_Science!" _She sang. "_Vision! Beauty! The entire universe lies at our feet!"_

Alice Koopa had graciously let Bowser's son take care of the music and conducting, while he himself took over the choreography and the role as the Star King. Timid Mint played the role as Phoebe; sitting on a floating paper moon, and the performance also starred Happy, Groovy and Speedy as the three astronomers.

"_But can you build us a rocket that will take us to Mars?" _The two others asked her.

"_Oh, we'll fly around the sun, over the moon and the stars!"_

The play concluded with Speedy conquering the evil Star King by smacking him over the head with her umbrella while the others escaped the Selenites and ran to the rocket ship.

Everyone, including King Toadstool gave the performance a standing ovation. Speedy called Ludwig up on the stage. "It's for you! Come here!" The entire Troop lifted him up on their shoulders so they could all see him.

The audience threw roses on the stage and if only for a second, the brusque and resentful Koopaling smiled a little. Ah, the importance of friendship...


	6. The Birds, Bees and the Koopas

**What better way can one appreciate a beautiful night sky than to fill it with shining little stars? That's what Bowser thinks ^^**

* * *

><p>Speedy sat up in bed and held her hand before her mouth. She was nauseous to the very point of retching. She hadn't awakened Bowser, though. He was lying next to her, sleeping soundly in every meaning of the word.<p>

After a rerun of her supper, she washed her face , rinsed her mouth and sat on the toilet lid to catch her breath. She rested her hand on her stomach, but had a new surprise: the hard pads, plastron, were aching and soft. Speedy almost panicked, got up from her seat and wondered what to do. That was until she noticed the door sign: "Here lies Kamek". The "V" had been scratched out with a marker; courtesy of the baby Bowser.

"Your Highness, what is it?" Kamek was up, but he was no spring chicken any longer, and needed his sleep.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know what's wrong with me, I…"

The wizard took her hand. "It's alright, dear. Why don't you come in and sit down."

Kamek's chamber was the messiest, coziest room in Kastle Koopa. It had more books than any library she had ever been to. It appeared as if he didn't only use them for reading, but for stacking in order to reach things high. His bed, manacled to the wall, was only reachable via an entire staircase of books.

"I must apologize to you, Your Highness; I'm not a licensed physician. I can only prescribe remedies if my colleague permits it. Let's see if we can find him, shall we?"

Kamek kept his crystal ball out of Bowser's reach under a throw pillow on the bed. The moment he touched it, it glowed and started levitating.

"Medikoopa? I know you're up. You are needed at Kastle Koopa."

Nothing happened. Kamek rolled his bespectacled eyes. "Stat?"

A creature came floating out of the crystal ball nimbus. The wizard crossed his arms and his upper snout was pretty stiff. Medikoopa was in many ways identical to Kamek, but was of elfin stature. He wore a white wizard's garb with a red heart embroidered in front, rubber clogs, and blue glasses. Medikoopa had no need for a broom as he flitted around like a pixie. The missing wings meant that he had a wife somewhere.

"Your Highness, this is Medikoopa of the, um, Medikoopas. Generally they aren't recognized as part of the Koopa Troop, because they can't use their magic to do harm."

"That is the first command, yes," Medikoopa pretended to examine Kamek. "Tut, tut. Yes, you do look a little old, but I've told you that if you'd stop drowning your sorrows…"

"I'm not the one who's under the weather, you daft butterbean!" Kamek grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him in Speedy's direction. "You will give _her_ a full medical assessment and _respect_ my authority!"

* * *

><p>Medikoopa counted Speedy's blood pressure with his tiny hand.<p>

"Nocturnal emesis… Softening of the plastron, adipose retention in the shell… Good news, Your Highness. You have successfully fluttered." The Medikoopa took the tongue depressor out of her mouth.

"Huh?"

"You have a bun in the oven." Kamek looked up from his book.

"What? I thought we Koopas laid eggs. We lay eggs!" Speedy made several odd gestures. Kamek frowned and shook his head.

"Yes, before you give birth you'll develop an eggshell around the unborn to protect you from its spikes. From then you'll have two months to recuperate and knit Koopaling socks." Medikoopa cleansed the thermometer with some rubbing alcohol and put it back in a medic bag bigger than him.

Speedy's shoulders drooped dejectedly as she sat in the armchair. Kamek was suddenly on guard; If Bowser ever found out that the wizard had upset his beloved wife…

"Hey, it's OK." He waved his wand casually and a cup of decaf English Breakfast materialized. His old flame Kammy had showed him how to turn his wrist, so the tea had honey in it. "Drink this."

She thanked him and the tea was consumed. The Magikoopa pointed his wand at her again, and a sparkling magic dried up her tears. "You don't have to worry about Bowser," he said and patted her hand. "He loves children and will be overjoyed when you tell him the news."

"It's not that, it's just…" She sighed with her palms open. "I didn't plan this."

Kamek raised his eyebrow. "You know, my mother always told me that we can't decide when certain things happen, especially not children." The sorcerer sat down on the bookcase ladder. "At least you Royal Koopas get to raise kids the mainstream way. We Magikoopas have to give our Magelings to our elders, so they can be raised properly!"

Speedy put down her cup. "Do you have any kids?"

Kamek conjured some more wood on the fire, and the glow made his glasses sparkle softly. "Yes; a son. And he's wonderful. Too bad he's so senile it's…"

"To die from?" Medikoopa came back from Kamek's well-supplied potion cabinet, carrying a jar of what looked like the hard candy elderly Koopas loved so much. Kamek scowled. "These are for your morning sickness. Take one before each meal; don't forget to eat. No alcohol, coffee, black tea, or energy drinks. Exercise in moderation. And remember," He said as a doctor concerned for his patient, "As you are now vulnerable, do not leave Kastle Koopa unguarded. I'll see you in a month," Medikoopa said and vanished.

* * *

><p>When the news of Speedy's condition reached Bowser, the Koopa King just as thrilled as her, and once the initial surprise had settled, Kamella arranged a baby shower. Kamek had caught a glimpse of Alice Koopa in the distance and escaped to his quarters, while Ludwig and Bowser's little charge Boom Boom, as Egg Retainers and the Queen's protectors.<p>

One evening in late November they were sitting in Bowser's private living room, cozying up by the fireplace. Speedy embroidered small patches for a baby blanket while the Koopa King listened to a Real World radio channel. This one was a pirate one he had intercepted on the Doomship.

"Yes, welcome back to the Last Thursday Special Dour Hour! After all, we are living in a democracy, or whatever, and our listeners have requested that we discuss some serious matter."

"You right as always, Mr. Blazkowitz," a perky, young lady's voice replied the jovial man's. "Nobody pays us to talk about the things they want us to."

"But that doesn't mean we don't rip the rich people off! In a little while we'll discuss some of the gravest issues there are, among those if President Nixon can be classified as a vegetable, and whether or not serving watermelon Kool-Aid at a Bed-Stuy chicken fry is extremely racist. All this and much more when we return! You good people endure the waiting to the inexplicable lyrics of _Sympathy for the Devil_."

Bowser's panic broke the radio as he tried to turn it off.

"Ooh!" Speedy exclaimed and put her hands on the ever-growing belly. King Koopa looked up.

"Are you alright, little wife?"

"I think his spikes are coming in." She cringed, although Medikoopa had instructed her to take deep breaths. It was uncomfortable, especially now near the end.

Bowser looked fondly at her lump. "Oh, I can't wait. I've wanted a big family since I was just a Koopaling myself." He straightened up in his seat. "Just imagine my – I mean, our castles on Dinosaur Land. The Koopalings each have their own castle to live in as they please, and us, growing old together in the summer palace. Our children marrying and having little Koopalings of their own visiting us… Imagine what a royal family like that could accomplish for a Koopa nation."

"But would mean we'd end up with a total of seven," she said, urging him to spill the rest of his guts.

He nodded his fearsome head. "Yes?" He thought that was implied, but realized the idea was staggering to her. "It would be a gift no other could match; an insurance of lifelong bliss for both of us. How can anyone say no to that?"

He finally caught her gaze, and stared her into obedience. Speedy was hesitant, but then, squeezed the top of his hand like she always did when agreeing with him.

"All right," she almost whispered. "Now," she said a bit more commandingly; "Now I'd like you to rub my shoulders, tell me I'm beautiful and get me some licorice ice cream."

Bowser got up from his seat. "Anything else, my stretch-mark free fairy queen?"

"Kosher pickles!" She put her aching feet up on his empty chair.

* * *

><p>Right before Thanksgiving she retreated to the underground tunnels of the castle, where she found a nice spot to lay her egg. Mother Koopas regardless of class do this and it's the best for all concerned, really, as Koopa women are hostile when laying and guarding their eggs. She burrowed herself a nice, round little nest where the ground was geothermally heated, and lay in it for five days. On the sixth day, she sat up on her legs and the egg was finally delivered.<p>

It didn't hurt to lay it, but the thing was heavy as a rock, and Speedy was glad it was out of her. The egg looked like the biggest lemon in the world and glowed in the dark hole. Boom Boom carried it up to the nursery which had been prepared in her absence.

Bowser wasn't home. He had taken Ludwig to the farthest region of Dark Land where he taught an army, as well as his son, the rules and tactics of a rebellion. It was one of the few royal duties he followed up as king. Kamek was also with them, but Speedy found company in Boom Boom, who proved to be a very skilled knitter. When King Koopa returned, he was so content with the beautiful egg he immediately breathed a roasting jet of air on it to symbolize his unconditional love.

The little one inside must had felt this warmth, and heard his parents and brother talking to him, so he decided to hatch five weeks too early. Nobody had expected anything to happen so soon, so for a while all the Koopaling could do was to lick egg white of the scraps of shell.

"Gah!" He cried out. In his mind he had cried out: "_I'm hungry!"_

Nobody heard him, but Speedy brought Ludwig up to the nursery a couple of hours later to say goodnight to the egg..

"Oh, dear!" The Koopaling exclaimed and pointed at the crib, where the infant was now sleeping in broken eggshell. Speedy hurried over to him. "Oh…" She touched her son's dainty hand. "Oh, isn't he just perfect!"

Ludwig was very curious about his little brother, so Speedy sat down in the armchair by the stain glass window to make it easier for him to see.

"This is how tiny you once were, too." Speedy cordially stroke through Ludwig's extremely matted blue hair. "Could you please go and wake up your father?"

Bowser entered the nursery within seconds, kissed his wife, and puffed some smoke on the little one to leave his scent on him. That was the highest mark of affection he was capable of.

"You see now why we should have five more?" The infant could fit in his father's one hand.

"I see why we should have a hundred." Speedy rubbed both of her friends on the head. "Ludwig, I'm making it your responsibility to find a name for him."

Ludwig rested his chin on the armrest of the chair. "I've read about phonetically beneficial names, and modern science says you should give the baby a name that makes you smile as you say it."

"Know any good ones, son?" Bowser asked.

"M-hm." Ludwig lay a claw on the baby's forehead. "Lem-m-m-m-y." He got his little brother's attention at once. "Lem-m-m-y."

And now the child was wide awake and alert; highly uncommon for a newborn. "You try," the Koopaling said to Speedy. She looked the baby in the eye. "Lem-m-m-y."

The little one closed his eyes and his mouth tightened; an unmistakable smile. Being surrounded by his family Lemmy already loved being the center of attention.

He favored his mother though – he could smell that she kept his food under her nightgown.


	7. Lemmy's First Steps

Lemmy sat on his mother's knee as she worked on a new sewing job in the OBGYN's waiting room. "Bah!" He mumbled and reached for the colorful thing that looked so fun and soft.

"No, you can't have it yet, it's not done." Speedy put the unfinished rag doll in her needlework bag, and lifted her little son up. "What do you say, little doughnut seed? You wanna jump again?"

Lemmy smiled happily and nodded. He wasn't even nine months old, but Ludwig's project really showed results. Speedy held her baby by its armpits, and his little feet balanced on her lap.

"A one, a two, and whoop!" She lifted him high, and he really kicked off; laughing. She kissed him on the snout. "A one, a two, a three, a four…" The longer she waited the wider Lemmy smiled, before he started laughing.

A Toad nurse opened the door to the doctor's office. "Once again, I am so sorry for the wait, Madame," she curtsied.

Speedy had never even imagined abusing her authority. Not because she was a goody-goody; she just often forgot that she was the most powerful woman in the Mushroom Kingdom.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Koopa," Dr. Toadstone greeted her graciously. "And hello to you, Master Lemmy."

Lemmy smiled, but hesitantly. The last time he had visited the hospital Dr. Toadstone had given him a polio shot when there were no lollipops left.

"Do I have something in my face?" Toadstone jokingly asked.

"Nah; he's just got a big memory for needles."

"Really. Well, I'm not gonna give a shot today, young friend." The physician carefully took over Lemmy, who protested.

"Oh, that's right; he wanted to show you something." Speedy helped Lemmy down on the floor. He surveyed the ground around him, and then lifted himself up with some help from his mother's skirt. He stood there for a few seconds before taking surprisingly steady steps.

"He _walks_? But, Madame, he's just nine months old!"

"He can walk!" Speedy smiled at her son. "And I'm so proud of him."

Lemmy still needed some help getting up on the baby scale, however, but he sat perfectly still.

"Ah; four and a half pounds in a month. He's slowly growing."

"_Slowly_? If I l let him, he eats all day. But I can only "cook" so much food." Subconsciously, Speedy straightened her top.

"Hm. Initially the pace of Lemmy's growth concerned me, but he doesn't seem to have any developmental problems or deformities."

Speedy shook her head. "Nah, he's got it from me. Every living Koopville is what we prefer to call petite. Except my mom. Sometimes I think she's that huge on purpose."

Toadstone nodded. "It's always nice and refreshing to see a mother and child as close as you. I've had more little Koopa patients come to me because of neglect than you can imagine. They have weak muscles and are underfed and under-loved."

Speedy embraced her son and kissed him, like she did every three minutes, before putting him in the stroller. "Not in _my_ house. I'm gonna treat all my Koopalings like the little jars of sunshine they are."

Apparently the hormones were still comically rampant in her body.

"Oh, so you and King Bowser plan to have more?" This was good news.

"Of course. We want him to grow up with many siblings."

They heard a thud from behind. Lemmy had managed to escape the buggy and was now sitting on the floor surrounded by lollipops; looking very pleased with himself.

* * *

><p>Back at the castle Bowser was sitting in his study, brooding with his chin in his palm. Speedy put Lemmy in his playpen and walked up to her husband, greeting him with a little kiss."Hey, you."<p>

"Oh, hi." He covered up the notes on his desk. "Back so soon?"

"Yep," she nodded. "No shots today. What have you been up to?"

He growled. "Those stupid Goombas won't train anymore before I give them a raise!"

Speedy shrugged. "Give them a raise, then. It'll be good for the local economy if the Troop can _buy_ their supplies instead of robbing the town square."

Bowser scoffed. "What do you know about the economy, woman? _Nothing_; that's what you know!"

The guards by the door winced. Even Lemmy hid his face under a teddy Koopa.

Speedy raised her eyebrow and turned his back to him. "Answer me this. Do you like this firm, perky tail?" She extended said tail; in fact Bowser's favorite tail ever.

"What? Of course I do." King Koopa grumped.

"Good," she replied sternly. "Because you won't get any of it for a very long time." She marched out of the office.

"Oh, no!" Bowser shouted after her. "Speedy, I'm sorry! Please don't go! Oh; I'm such an idiot!"

Kamek came in with a tea tray. "What was that all about?"

Bowser sighed. "I acted like an ass and now she put me in the dog house."

The wizard made the same face the guards had. "Oh, that's not good. Remember the last drought she put you through?"

Bowser sulked. "Yeah. Worst three hours of my life."

"Hmm; it was bad for all concerned," Kamek mumbled. "I think you better make it up to her immediately."

Bowser tried to apologize for his blunder. First with the largest bunch of fair-trade yellow roses you ever did see. Then a box of assorted diamond jewelry made in Switzerland, and when that didn't take; her own castle.

"Your loaded vault won't save you this time," she said and casually disposed of the deed to the chateau in the fireplace.

"Then what can I do? Forgive me, _please_!" Bowser sat down on his knees and hung his head in defeat. Speedy smiled cleverly.

* * *

><p>The Goombas sat on their exercise equipment, chewing bubblegum and playing cards to pass the time. Who knew a rebellion could be so boring?<p>

Their leader looked over the railing of the convenient box he usually gave them orders from, fidgeting.

"Go ahead," Speedy tapped his elbow. "Don't you have something to say?"

"Proud Goombas!" He said into the microphone, and a wave of feedback won the soldier's attention. "Uh… I'd just like to say that I deeply care for each and every one of you. Your commitment to me is nothing short of heartwarming. Without you, my kingdom would surely fall."

The Goomba soldiers got up and slowly lined themselves up in orderly rows.

"And?" Speedy shoved her husband, who had never praised his troops to their face.

"I know that I've have been hard on you, and that you have families to feed. That's why I've decided that everybody from now on will earn ten extra Yellow Coins…" Here Speedy shoved him again, "An hour."

All the Goombas stared at Bowser for a few seconds, and then started to cheer.

"Yay! Bowser is our hero! We _love_ the Koopa King!" The Goombas applauded their leader by stomping their flat little feet, then ran out to tell the others the good news.

Speedy embraced her husband's burly arm, and he loved it. "Am I forgiven now, little wife?"

She waited long enough to torture him. "Consider yourself out of the dog house. Although that's where you belong."

Bowser frowned and his shoulders drooped dejectedly. "Why?"

Speedy pressed her hip against him and wagged her tail suggestively. "Because you're a big, bad dog. You know the name for a bad lady dog?"

"Yeah…" Bowser felt a little flushed. "But there's this special place and only there I can tell you."

Her finger hooked him by his spiky neck collar and dragged him off. "Take me there, and call me that name in a very different voice."

* * *

><p>Speedy really enjoyed make up love; all the negative emotions were transformed into fantastic sensations, like a magic stone turning iron into gold.<p>

Bowser sat up, wiped the sweat from his forehead and ended the intense and amazing session by grabbing his wife's feet and kissing them. She was ticklish, and she giggled. He lay down next to her and she nuzzled him like Koopas do it. He sighed in sweet relief.

"Honey, have you lost some weight recently?" Speedy asked.

Bowser nodded. "Yeah, I have. Thanks for noticing it."

She smiled blissfully. "You look amazing."

The Koopa King turned over to his side and stroked his claws through her Mohawk. "Darling, I have to go to a Star Conference next week. Kamek is going; Boom Boom is going… And I don't want you here all by yourself . I'd like you to come with me."

Speedy frowned. "Then we'd have to let Lemmy and Ludwig come with us as well. Is it kid-friendly?"

"Sure." Bowser held her hand. "So, are you with me?"

"Of course I am. I follow you anywhere."

Bowser liked hearing that.


	8. What Would You Do For A Klondike Bar

**SM64: I find it even more hilarious that Speedy is completely oblivious to Alice's… inclination. Even though she is an open-minded Koopa woman, some truths must be too hard for her to fathom.**

* * *

><p>There was plenty of media and reporters to choose from at the entrance to the Star Conference building on Star Hill, but the Koopa Kronicle somehow managed to get their prime reporters at the front, away from the massive crowd.<p>

"…Yes; that was the king of Sarasaland, who has come all the way here to sign the Mushroom World Treaty of Peace. He is accompanied by his wife Queen Marguerite, who just returned home with their newborn daughter, Her Royal Highness Princess Daisy."

"What an awesome sight, Mr. Toadflax!" the young Koopa lady with the green beret next to him replied. "And look, right behind Lady Lima; the royal Koopas. Wow; they brought their kids."

"That's right, Kayla; this is the first public appearance of Queen Koopa since the wedding, I believe. King Koopa's presence is the most important one this evening, as we all know it has taken over a thousand years to get the House of Koopa to officially declare diplomacy."

Kamek walked on the front line, followed by Bowser and Speedy. There were Toads, Koopas, Beanish and Goombas aplenty who greeted them, and the Koopa queen wanted to at least return their waving. But with Kamella, or Madame Etiquette as Speedy has dubbed her breathing down her neck, all she could do was to keep up her dignified appearance and walk towards the entrance.

Kamella was last; while she held the inquisitive Lemmy, Boom Boom took care of Ludwig. Bowser was the youngest of the kings with his twenty-six years, hence the overwhelming attendance of young people, who seemed to be in awe over the sight of him. Speedy however received an abundance of jealous glares from the girls. She smiled nervously and tried not to make a big deal out of herself. Futile, though – Bowser chose that very moment to rest his substantial arm around her shell. The teenage girls glowered some more.

Inside a hall carpeted in deep royal blue with golden stars, King Toadstool was waiting with his attendant, Toadsworth. The Mushroom king smiled cordially at Bowser.

"Young King Koopa, welcome to Star Hill and Crystal Bowl, home of our beloved Star Conference." He said and reached his hand out. Bowser shook it vigorously.

"Careful, dear." Speedy tapped Bowser's arm.

"And Queen Koopa," King Toadstool added. "Welcome, Madame." He kissed her hand, and Bowser made a small, jealous grunt.

"I see you've brought your whole family." Toadstool said.

"Yes, are my sons, Ludwig…" Bowser patted the oldest Koopaling over his hair, and he frowned. "… And Lemmy."

Kamella brought the little one forwards so Toadstool could see him. "What a charming addition to your beautiful family, young Majesty. "He looks just like his mother."

Bowser nodded and let his youngest son nibble on his claw. "Yeah; it's about time we had some lookers in the family."

"Hm. Well; I prefer to keep these gatherings very informal. The families are free to join any activity they find interesting while we take our places in the Bowl."

The royal families scattered. Some set course for the salon, where tea and cupcakes were served. Queens Marguerite and Bean approached Speedy. "Madame, would you like to join us in a poker game?"

"I'd love to," Speedy said. She had never tried one before.

Toadsworth chuckled. "'Lookers'. Sheesh."

The Mushroom King returned the sneer and rested his hands on his side. "M-hm; the young Koopa really did cage himself a pretty bird."

It is unsure whether or not Speedy was within hearing range, but Kamek did hear it, and found it offensive enough to walk away without even looking at them.

* * *

><p>Apparently the poker game was more premeditated than the other queens would admit to; such was all their "casual" get-togethers. Several gold-leafed poker tables were set up for the many royal and noble women, and chairs decorated with their respective crests.<p>

"What are you doing?" Marguerite asked. Speedy held Lemmy's hand as she walked into the mini-game area. "Children are not allowed in here."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll get Boom Boom."

However, according to the card dealer it turned out that as both Boom Boom and Kamek weren't "royal" enough to enter this part of the Crystal Bowl. Because there were male waiters in the mini-game room, Kamella had to remain seated with the Koopa Queen; therefore the protesting Lemmy was handed over to one of the older daughters tagging along with their royal parents. All the etiquette and protocol were really getting on Speedy's nerves.

She took a deep sip of tea to calm herself down while the others chattered.

"Yes, I heard you're a dancer," the rotund and very burly Queen Bean said to Speedy in a pretty condescending tone.

"That's right – Madame," the young queen added after a swift cough from Kamella. "Since I was fourteen."

"Oh, how lovely."

Ludwig had been spying on the scene while running off from the babysitting princesses with Lemmy. He had taken his brother to the attic of the mini game room; which hadn't been finished yet. The level consisted mostly of rafters and small plank bridges with chain railings; not unlike those found above a stage.

His plan was to set off the sprinkler system unseen while all the ladies gathered around for tea. That way they couldn't get out before they were all soaking wet. There was just one problem, though – the only sprinkler he could get to unseen proved to be accessible only by a beam he was too heavy for. He turned to Lemmy with a smile.

"Dear brother," he started with some flattery. "Would you go and hold this torch under that metal flower there?" He pointed at, but Lemmy shook his head.

"Please? Would you do it for me?"

Lemmy shook his head again. Ludwig reached into his shell and brought out a wrapped chocolate.

"Would you do it for a Klondike Bar?"

This time Lemmy did nod with a big happy smile; not even asking how his brother kept the treat frozen. He grabbed the torch and put his little, oval foot on the beam. He walked towards the ceiling sprinkler with remarkably graceful little steps, and completely without wobbling.

"Come on; that's a good Lemmy," Ludwig cooed. "Raise your arm! No; the one carrying the torch, you achy little athlete's foot!" He said not changing his coaxing tone. "That's right; that's a very _special_ little Lemmy-"

He was cut short by the sound of the fire alarm, which up there was at its loudest. The water jet hit Lemmy and spooked him enough to lose his balance. He fell off the beam with a hoarse screaming.

"Lemmy!" Ludwig leant over, thinking he had effectively killed his little brother. But luckily for the both of them the little one landed on a giant stack of brownies. Ludwig was not as lucky; in trying to save Lemmy he had crawled over the rafter, which now made alarming, creaky noises.

"Uh-oh."

The rafter broke, and he dived right into the punch bowl; which was not at all a soft landing. "Ow…"

Everybody in the room panicked, and drenched people of all classes huddled outside the mini-game room, by then looking more like a water park than a casino. Unfortunately the new sprinkler system hadn't been finished since the restoration of the Crystal Bowl, so the situation wasn't much better out there. Speedy had her parasol and Kamella her broad witch's hat, so they were pretty much safe. As for everybody else…

* * *

><p>Two minutes later the royal Koopas were standing on deck of the Doomship, looking at the ugly scene from above.<p>

"Well, I think we've given them enough to gossip about," Kamella said as she wrung her lace underskirt.

Lemmy, with chocolate in his little Mohawk, tugged at his brother's arm sling. Ludwig was pretty beaten up from the punch bowl dip.

"Fine; here you go." He gave his little brother the promised treat.

Bowser sighed. "Oh, I never got to sign that stupid treaty."

"Don't worry, dear." Speedy squeezed the water out of his hair. "Does it help that I won three thousand Coins?"

Bowser just sulked.

"Does it help if I told you a really, really nice secret?"

It had been most awesome night in Lemmy's short life. He had executed his first balance act, flown through the air, and now he had candy, too. Maybe he would even get that circus ball he wanted for his upcoming birthday.


	9. A Quiet Nerd

**There's a lot of mushy stuff in this chapter. Enjoy it. It'll make your dreams sweeter. Love from TP**

* * *

><p>"A lot of things have happened lately. You find the time just flying by. No, it's true." Speedy lay on a new patch and secured it to the embroidery hoop with straight pins. "When you're happy, time like so much else lose their meaning. It's a mixed blessing. Then again what is life, if not…" she decided to end the sentence. She had talked to the unborn for an hour every day, like Ludwig had advised her to.<p>

Bowser and Ludwig was still out on their golf tournament; the annual Toadstool Tour. Speedy had wanted to join them like she had the last four years, but she was pretty round and advised against the risk. So she had to stay behind at the castle with her two sons and Boom Boom. In the meantime, she quilted a nice blanket.

Speedy hoped that her Koopalings would each accomplish great things with their individual talents. She could already see that Lemmy would be a great dancer and entertainer some day. Maybe this one would cure a Real World disease, like anthrax, breast cancer or mumps.

Little footsteps interrupted her daydream. It was her youngest son, Roy Koopa.

"Roy-dear, what are you doing out of bed?" She took him up on her lap; not as easy as you'd think. He had a big appetite and from birth physically very strong.

At the same time admiring his father the Koopa king, Roy also held his mother in the highest regard and lived for her attention and love. The horned sunglasses he wore all the time? Borrowed from her wardrobe. He liked his identity as a tough guy, and was therefore afraid people would find out about his fondness for his mother, fearing they would make fun of him.

"_Mama_, I wanna know something," Roy said and closed his eyes in joy as she stroke him over the head.

"Ask away, honey." Speedy had never told him that he was born without hair follicles and that was why his pink head would be bald for the his entire life, so she hoped that wasn't what he wanted to know.

He turned around and looked right at her with calm on his serious face. "Will you marry me?"

Speedy was well aware of her son's fragile ego and therefore restrained herself from laughing. She did however smile sweetly.

"Even though you get more and more handsome for each time I see you, it doesn't work like that, honey."

Roy sat up. "But I promise that we'll live in a big castle, and that I'll make a lot of Coins, and that I'll keep you safe." He put his arms around her. " _Mama_, I swear that I'll never let anybody hurt you."

Speedy was proud of her son for being capable of such emotions. But she could also sense that something else was bothering him.

"What did Ludwig tell you this time, dear? Was it the Bogeyman again?"

"No." Roy held on to her even harder. He _was _getting stronger by the day. "Luddi heard King Dad say that you are sick."

Speedy shook her head. "I'm not sick, sweetheart. I'm perfectly well. Any day now your brother will be born and then I won't be so tired anymore."

Roy put his chubby, star-shaped claw on her belly. "How do you know it's a boy?"

"He sure kicks as one. I've already decided to call him Iggy."

"Iggy as in the Real World music guy?"

Speedy shook her head. "No; as in Ignatius, my cousin. We all just called him Iggy."

She took out her favorite photo album and showed Roy a picture taken two years before she was married off.

"Oh, is he the weirdo with the tux jacket and spiky black hair?"

"That's Alice Koopa." She corrected him. "Ignatius is the one with the gold jumpsuit and wall clock around his neck. Harmless; but as crazy as an insomniac woodpecker; also, dumber than a bag of hammers. I loved him; while Mom never let him enter our house other than through the kitchen entrance. He could juggle three Bob-Ombs and split before they exploded."

Roy frowned. "Why are you naming my brother after someone stupid?"

"Iggy was always super nice to me. He protected me from meanies, like you do. Being smart or rich isn't important, but doing nice things for others."

"Why did he die?"

Speedy hadn't talked to anyone about that. "He fell ill. He said it didn't hurt; he said: "Maybe now I can get some shut-eye", and told me not to cry."

Roy put her arms around his mother again, and squeezed her. "Promise me you'll never, ever leave me."

His hug was returned, and Speedy opened the story book again. "I love you very much. That'll never change. Now, how about a story of three cute little Toad girls baking a rainbow birthday cake?"

Roy tried to hear if anybody were close by. "OK, then. But I'm still _totally _tough and cool."

* * *

><p>"He asked you <em>what<em>?" Bowser said into the other side of the phone call.

"If I'd be his wife. He was very insistant; with a metal ring from the shower curtain and all." Speedy was filing her claws in the bubble bath she took before bedtime.

"A boy wanting to marry his mother. That's absurd."

"Don't say that." Speedy put on a layer of top coat. "You know what mothers do. They tell you that they love you, kiss you and is the first female to see your naked butt. For being an unattainable woman she sure sends out some mixed signals."

Bowser smiled; loving Speedy's sense of humor. "How's the little one?"

"Just fine. He wanted me to ask you if you're a winner."

"I'm _your _winner. That's all both of you need to know." Bowser tucked the score card into his shell; as if she could see it through the phone.

* * *

><p>A week later, she lay the egg and it actually hatched within three days. Lemmy had taken a month; Roy seven weeks.<p>

Speedy's youngest son was indeed different in many ways. While they had been calm and eaten well and often; little Iggy Koopa cried all day and refused his mother to feed him. Kamek had told her to be patient, but now it had gone almost five months. Iggy hadn't grown much and was still restless and unhappy.

One day Bowser found his wife sitting in the nursing chair, with her crying son in one arm, and a spitty-up cloth over the other. "I can't take it anymore. He won't latch. I can't feed my child."

Feeling her pain, the Koopa king took his wife and youngest child to see Dr. Toadstone. Iggy screamed as the Toad doctor touched him, but luckily it didn't take him long to find the problem.

"The reason why he is so upset is because he is visually impaired." Toadstone dimmed the lights, and the Koopaling calmed down a little. "He is struggling to see straight and it's giving him a headache, that's why he has no appetite."

They came back the next day, and the Toad physician placed a pair of the thickest black-rimmed glasses ever made by the Mushroom Kingdom's most skilled optometrist on Iggy's snout. They enlargened the Koopaling's already large blue eyes and gave him a slightly astonished expression. The most important thing was that he had stopped crying. Iggy then saw his mother and father, and held his claws up, wanting to be with them.

"He looks like a total nerd," King Koopa frowned as his little son rested his weary green head on his shoulder.

"Shhh," Speedy replied. "He's a _quiet _nerd. Thank you, doctor."

That evening was the first quiet evening for a very long time, so Bowser and Speedy sat by the fireplace. He had picked down one of his favorite books, but for some reason, Speedy wasn't in the mood to read or sew. She sat with a framed picture of her cousin, lost in her own memories.

"I really miss him, you know." Her voice was trembling. Bowser looked at the photograph. He had only seen Ignatius once; at the wedding ceremony and hadn't learned of his passing until recently. Speedy clutched the frame. "He was my rock."

The Koopa king was no expert when it came to emotions or sensitivity. But he did know his wife.

"I'll be your rock if you want." He stroked her hair as softly as he could with those claws of his. "But only if you allow it. Don't hide things from me."

"I agree," she said. "No more secrets from now on."


	10. Do Not Fill In The Blanks

**SM64: I'm so grateful that you understood where I was going in the last chapter, and that you liked it so much. I didn't think you liked original characters. I'm not above creating OC's or liking others OC's, as they are inevitable at some point, even in the richly "casted" Marioverse. This is Iggy's chapter. The next will have a lot more action; though still focus only on the family. ^^ I've gone over your reviews and I'm not going to write a lot of, like you so preciously phrased it, "detailed bedroom stuff" in the future chapters. ^^**

* * *

><p>Lemmy mounted the circus ball by placing one foot on top first, found his balance, and placed his other foot without wobbling. His circus ball seemed like a mere extension of his wiry legs.<p>

"Now what, mommy? Do I jump now?"

"Uh, let's see. In the Troop we had a warm-up checklist. Stretch your leg in a little circle… Grab it by the toe and hold on to it… Twirl slowly around and um, have a Kit Kat. That can't be right. Well, serves Alice right for not putting in enough snack breaks."

Lemmy executed the warm-up three times. "Can _I_ have a candy bar now?"

"It's only Thursday, so no. Besides, little dancers have to watch their teeth."

Roy and Iggy were completely indifferent to sugar. Both of them took great pride in their little milk fangs, although Iggy occasionally enjoyed a stick of gum. Lemmy however shared Ludwig's philosophy when it came to sweets, and it was so hard to deny him anything when he looked at you with his adorable, lazy eye. Bowser loved giving the Koopalings their way and couldn't believe it when his wife had limited sweets to the weekend; he considered it the biggest injustice in the history of Koopa civilization. Speedy had replied: "Then you must be proud of me".

"You're so gifted," she said to her oldest but smallest son. "I just know you'll be a big star one day, and all the girls will fight over you."

"Girls?" Lemmy hid his face in his claws. For some reason he thought that made him invisible. "Gross!"

"Yeah, that's what your dad said too. Things really change. Well, today you've really done great. Remember to put the ball safely where it belongs, because the important thing is…"

"To protect my balls?"

"Exactly."

She sat down in the family room with her halfway finished crochet bolero. Boom Boom had taught her how to make the finest lace. For some reason she found the way Bowser's strongmen dealt with the high levels of stress adorable, although they had begged not to tell anyone. Boom Boom had his crocheting and needlepoint. Kamek held tea parties with or without wearing a _salmon_ garb, and the Troop all loved romance novels. Of course all of them had asked her very nicely not to tell anyone.

"Whatcha doin'?" Lemmy asked his other brothers.

"Stay out of this, Lemmy." Ludwig brusquely shoved the little one away. "This is only for Koopas with an IQ of 300 and up."

"Well, fifty should do it," Roy snickered.

Lemmy tightened his dainty fists. "Then that leaves _you_ outta the question, you jerk!"

Roy growled. "If I'm a jerk, then you're a geek! And geeks can't play with us!"

The tiny Koopaling's face reddened in anger, and he smacked his brother as high as he could reach. "Shut up, fathead!"

Roy smacked him back. "Don't call me fathead, you stupid geek!"

The two attacked each other. Iggy was enthralled with the sight and ran up, laughing and cackling obscenely. "They're fighting! They're fighting!"

"Stop it!" Speedy parted the two and put them in separate chairs.

"I'm gonna need five minutes alone to get this out of my system." Iggy grinned, and Ludwig frowned.

"That's disgusting."

The door to the family room was opened, and Bowser entered. The Koopalings all rushed up to him, jumping and reaching their arms into the air. Their father lifted them all up; they fit perfectly in his arms. Like a loving Koopa family, Bowser initiated the greeting by puffing smoke and hot air on his children, to which they responded with gentle growling and flashing their teeth.

"King Dad is home," he said warmly. "And there's my little wife."

Speedy smiled at him. "Hi, stranger. Are you home for good, or just visiting?"

"Just visiting. I had to fly a big bird to get here."

The two of them kissed each other in front of their children.

"Eww, old people – love! I'm outta here!" Roy ran out with his equally grossed out brothers.

Speedy locked the door after them. "It's so good to see you. We all miss you when you're not here."

"I know." Bowser lay her down on the napping couch in the corner and put her feet on his knee, intent on taking off her black Mary Janes. "What is it with you and shoes?" He asked as he removed her stockings as well. He couldn't stand seeing feet in such horrible restraints. "That's why mammals are useless, you know. They wear shoes."

"It's Sunday," she protested. "I like to look smart on Sundays."

Bowser kissed her feet and it tickled every funny bone in her body. Then he tenderly rubbed them.

She sighed in contentment. "I should be the one rubbing _your_ feet. You spoil me rotten."

"How about I take you upstairs and spoil you some more?" Bowser's hand was wandering up her leg, and she grabbed it before it went to naughtier places.

"I would very much like that – Whoa!" She giggled as her husband lifted her up. No matter how many times he did it, it always made the butterflies in her stomach flutter; "flutter" being the word of the day.

* * *

><p>When autumn made the Neon castle too cold to live in, the Koopa Clan packed up and left for Dark Land. One Sunday Lemmy and his mother had prepared everybody's favorite dishes. Both Roy and his father had very red lamb shanks, while Ludwig had Norwegian-style bacon cheese burgers on a bed of Cajun curly fries. Lemmy's choice had always been hot wings, which he ate very daintily with a silver knife and fork; also he drank lemon soda from a champagne coupe. Iggy never ate; that required sitting down, he just pestered the ones who did.<p>

"Would you like some more soda, Mommy?" Lemmy asked.

"I would love some." Speedy held her glass out, and Lemmy poured.

"Just say when," he said, "And I'll pour slower – hey!" Iggy had snuck up next to him and given his elbow a push. Not only did Lemmy lose the bottle and drench the table cloth in soft drink, but his mother's vegetable pot pie now had the flavor of Fresca.

"Dang it, Iggy!" Lemmy swore; so upset that his brother had ruined his attempt at showing class, which he loved doing.

"That's your last warning," Speedy said ominously and grabbed Iggy by the neck. "This means the dungeon."

"No! I'll behave, I promise!" Iggy struggled, but Speedy like Bowser didn't make empty threats.

In the beginning Speedy had objected to the use of the dungeon as a punishment, but Bowser insisted that it kept them in line, and 'sure was convenient'. She agreed on the condition that she would sit outside the door.

Iggy didn't scream; just occasionally nagged. The cool, dark and dampness in Kastle Koopa's dungeon seemed to calm him. Ten minutes later Speedy let him out. "Would you like to join us for dessert or do you need more time to yourself?"

"I'll be good." Iggy came with her.

Upstairs Lemmy was in charge of serving everybody ice cream; their dessert of choice. When everybody was spoken for, the little Koopaling sat down. "Can _I_ have some ice cream now?"

"Oh, uh, which one?" Ludwig asked. "Chocolate marshmallow or pink peppermint?"

"Peppermint!" Lemmy said happily.

Almost at the same time as he said it, he got a big scoop of his favorite ice cream in his eye.

"Ow! _Luddi_!" Lemmy wiped the dessert off his face with the tablecloth.

"I didn't do it; I swear!" Ludwig held the peppermint – tub but was missing the scoop. Iggy had it, and he couldn't hold it in anymore and started laughing like a lunatic.

Seconds later Speedy found herself once again sitting with her back against the dungeon's heavy door, sighing in annoyance while her youngest son shouted and begged to come out. She pretended not to hear it and crossed her arms over her stomach.

After a while Bowser came down. "So, how are things going?"

In that moment Iggy tried to body-slam the door open. Speedy raised her eyebrow without saying anything.

"I see. Well, the sun is setting, so I think we'll just put him to bed." They opened the door to find their son sitting in the corner with his arms around his knees. Bowser prepared to pick him up. "I hope this time you'll behave yourself- arrgghh!"

Iggy had sunken his knife-sharp teeth into his father's lower arm, leaving four gaping, slightly angled wounds in the skin. Bowser struggled to hold on to the wayward Koopaling, who was remarkably strong for being so small.

"Kamek! Kamek, appear to us!" Speedy called out, and the wizard showed up, wearing a long bathrobe and a pink shower cap with stars. He knocked Iggy out with a sleeping spell and inspected his master's injuries.

"Oh, don't lick those wounds." He cleaned up the blood with a wave of his wand. "They're bad. You're gonna need some stitches."

"I'll get him to bed." Speedy took over Iggy and headed for the nursery.

* * *

><p>A few weeks later Bowser and Speedy attended the monthly parent-teacher conferences at the prestigious Koopergarten. When it was their turn they found that the teacher, Madame Himematsu, was not the only one there, but also Mrs. Koopley, the headmistress, as well as the entire school board.<p>

Neither Bowser nor his wife was surprised. They were used to their turns at parents' nights being hosted by a variety of public servants; lawyers, judges, police, SWAT-teams, catholic priests from Burkina Faso…

"First, we just want to say how well your children are doing in class." Madame Himematsu smiled at them. She was a chubby, lovable Toad woman in her late fifties. Mrs. Koopley was the same age, but was the complete opposite.

"Then we'd like to bring out this month's… merit list." She slammed a very full folder into the table, making Bowser nervously lean forwards and Speedy clutch her handbag in unease.

"A dispute over a homework assignment ended in this exchange." Koopley opened the file, and read:

"'I don't give a blank over your blanking concern, you blanked, blanking old blank. You can go blank yourself'."

Madame Himematsu was the first to break the silence. "He got a B on the assignment, by the way."

"Your Majesties; young master Roy's foul mouth has been the cause of much grief in his class-"

"I know," Bowser interrupted Koopley. "We have a reward system at home-"

"_Your Majesty_," Koopley took the word back. "Roy is hardly the worst of your Koopalings. I'm leaving it to you to explain." She pushed Himematsu in her shoulder; disgusted by the amiable teacher's extra pounds.

"Yes; two days ago Iggy bit a student in the arm. I know that it's not the first time this has happened. When I tried to separate him from the young Miss Kylie, he also attacked me." Himematsu reached out her arm. The stitched wounds were identical to Bowser's. "When he had calmed down he told me that he doesn't mean it, but that people's faces change and want to hurt him."

She took a deep breath. "I'm very bothered by this behavior."

So was Speedy. She didn't know any of this, and doubted that anyone at home did. Perhaps Lemmy knew something; everybody told him their secrets, but the backyard volcano would spew purple rain before he repeated anything.

"What do you suggest that we do about it?" Bowser asked.

* * *

><p>It had been a long day, although now, as Speedy Koopa looked back, the events of it were just a blur – from breakfast time and making sure the Koopalings had all left for school before she and Bowser revealed to Iggy why he wasn't following them that day. The painful journey to the Real World, with their youngest son begging them not to send him away from them, the seemingly endless admission meeting, signing of forms and survey of the hospital… The last hugs and words before Iggy grudgingly accepted his fate and followed Dr. Clawdia behind the same double doors Speedy was now staring at.<p>

Bowser came back from Clawdia's office with copies of the forms. "Everything is signed and insurance checked. Iggy is resting, so I'm thinking this is the best time for us to leave."

Speedy closed her eyes and said nothing. Bowser took her hand in his.

"Little wife, we did the right thing. He'll be fine. Dr. Clawdia says they have an excellent program that will help him."

She sighed. "I put nine thousand dollars in his toilet bag. You think it's enough?"

Bowser frowned. "I have no idea about mammal money. They all look like leaves to me."

They both bid farewell to the doors and returned to the Doomship. Eternity had a name, and it was June 18.


	11. Mama

**Let's see if the salmon garb – mystery has a solution, shall we?**

* * *

><p>Bowser stepped around on the Doomship's deck. "Speedy! Where the hell are you? We're leaving in ten minutes!"<p>

"Right here!" She was sitting on top of a trunk carried by two Sledge Bros. The Koopa king frowned.

"What are you doing up there?"

The Bro's helped the queen down. She thanked them. "I'm so nervous about this trip, but Bob here," she pointed at the Bro to the left, "Said the best thing to do was just stand tall. But I'm not very tall, so… I sit up, um, tall. Trust me, it works."

Kamek and Kamella appeared in front of the king and queen, followed by the Koopalings. The wizard opened his prayer book and found the highlighted segment, while the sorceress lined the children up.

"Your Majesties and Highnesses. When you decided to sign the contract of matrimony, the power of the Koopa crown was shared between you. You both must take this journey together to ensure that the mandates of the Peace Treaty are followed."

"Would you get to the point?" Bowser grumped. "We're on the clock!"

"I'm sorry, Your Awfulness, but I'm not on your clock right now. I have to read this, otherwise the Board demands that you dock me a month's pay."

Speedy's anxiety was quickly accompanied by Bowser's. In order for the Mushroom League of Nations to accept the autocratic Dark Land as a nation of peace, the royal Koopa family had to spend one whole summer in the Mushroom Kingdom and do several diplomatic tasks. Their accommodation had been preordained by the League – Koopville Manor. To stall this just for an hour or two Bowser had suggested they picked up the recently discharged Iggy and take a break in Real World Wisconsin. According to Kamek nobody in Wisconsin would look twice at eight large, colorful individuals having lunch at an outdoor restaurant.

"How did I do; you think they got it?" the Magikoopa asked Kamella.

"Of course. No one can resist you when you dress up in your pink cape."

Kamek sighed. "It's not pink; it's _salmon_!"

At the asylum Iggy was waiting outside with Medikoopa, who had taken a day off to tell the Koopaling the good news. He ran towards his mother, and she immediately embraced him, holding him tight. None of his brothers made fun of Iggy for it; they all became putty in her loving hands.

"Is he cured?" Bowser mumbled to Medikoopa. Apparently there had been a heinous incident involving the death of the chief of medicine at the ward where Iggy had stayed. Nobody knew for sure who the perpetrator was, but Bowser wouldn't be surprised if Iggy was the mastermind.

"Sort of." Medikoopa took off into the air before anyone could make him answer more uncomfortable questions.

After sailing for a while in the beautiful sunshine, Lemmy looked over the railing.

"Look everybody; there's Water Land!" He jumped up and down, and Kamek had to hold on to him; lest the featherweight be blown overboard.

"Do you think they like to have fun in Sea Side City?"

"I very much doubt it," Ludwig replied somberly. "They're so conservative they make Fox News seem like Beavis and Butthead."

"Young sir, that's just not true." Kamek said.

"It is _so_ true." The blue-haired one crossed his arms. "They're so Republican they keep mentally ill as pets and believe babies are delivered by the stork till they're in their forties."

Bowser and Speedy's first diplomatic task was to take care of two Koopa girls who had been granted a _holiday_ from the asylum. They arrived by ferry five minutes after the Koopa family. The youngest one; Shelly, was a little shorter than Iggy, had a calm disposition and black tips in her pink Mohawk. The other one was Lynnie. She would probably have outgrown Bowser in a year. She was plump, had peach hair, a violet shell, brown eyes and arms of pure muscle, as well as a face full of hatred.

Roy, who had been bored out of his mind, saw her in the corner of his eye and for the first time in his life, he felt the infamous butterflies. He walked right up to her, cleared his throat and said: "Hi there, beautiful. You come here often?"

Lynnie responded to this, not with words, but a powerful punch to his face before walking off; fuming. Roy sat up with trembling moves.

"Uh, are you alright?" Ludwig was disturbed by the red and blue bruises appearing on his brother's snout. But Roy just smiled as wide as the pain allowed him.

"She likes me!"

The eldest Koopaling turned to Iggy. "We should do something before he really gets hurt…"

"No," Iggy interrupted with a smirk. "Let's see where this goes first."

Everybody in Sea Side came to witness this event, but Bowser soon realized that his family wasn't the only ones who would be living at the manor that summer. Every living Koopville greeted them behind the gates. The first one was Spiker; simply called Spike, her cousin. He didn't care much for formalities after hitting his thirties.

"Eleanor; darling!" He exclaimed and embraced Speedy. "Oh, dear; you're so pale! Don't they have any sun in Dark Land? Huh! Better get you to a tanning salon."

This was how he greeted everyone he met for the second time. Her brothers took turns hugging her too until she was woozy, and they turned to Bowser. They were all about his size, and the oldest one explained Roy Koopa's interesting color scheme.

"These are our children," Speedy proudly presented the four of them. She still hadn't formally adopted Ludwig as hers, although she regarded him as family.

"Koopums!" a guttural, yet shrill voice emitted from the open main entrance of the mansion. A Koopa woman, almost as big as Bowser and suspiciously similar to him came rushing toward the royal family.

Bowser's eyes widened in sheer terror, and his throat dried up. Speedy noticed it. "Dear, who is that woman?" she whispered.

"That… is my mother."

Mama Koopa violently embraced her son and left half an ounce of red lipstick on the sides of his snout, and about two liters of _White Linen_ on his shoulders. "My da-a-a-rling is here! Mama _loooooves_ you!"

The fearsome and vulgar-looking Koopa lady then turned to Speedy, who did her best to appear inconspicuous.

"So this is your _little bride_?" Mama Koopa approached Speedy in a manner that made Kamella take two protective steps toward her mistress. Mama Koopa pinched the Koopa queen in the cheeks.

"Yes, um, pleasure to meet you, Madame." Speedy looked at Kamella, who hadn't prepared her for this.

Bowser's mother turned to her son again, glanced at the Koopalings and said to him; as if Speedy wasn't there: "It's amazing you managed to spawn anything from that stick you call a wife!"

Nobody had noticed Speedy's mother, who had suffered the vulgarities of Mama Koopa the entire day. She greeted Bowser very graciously, after all; he was the one saving her from having a spinster daughter.

She then thoroughly inspected Lemmy, Roy and Iggy and graded them as "Hmpf", completely ignoring Ludwig for some reason. Her coldest greeting was however reserved for her daughter.

"Eleanor. Welcome home." Her face said different things.

"Mother," Speedy grumbled. The whole pack got away from the public and press, but to what alternative?

Speedy Yellow hadn't seen her childhood home in years, but there was no time to reminiscence as she and her husband were housed in the biggest guest room, which had always been locked off when she was a little Koopa. To get some refuge from the summer heat, everybody took a siesta in their rooms before dinner. However, in the bed the two shared not much sleeping was taking place.

"For God's sakes stop tossing," Bowser grumped. "I'm trying to sleep and your ass is in the way."

Speedy scoffed. "Hah, if someone's ass is in the way…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" King Koopa's eyes narrowed.

She sat up. "Why did you tell me your mother was dead?"

"I didn't say she was dead; I said she was not among us."

"That implies that she's dead!"

There was a knock at the door. "What?" they both roared.

Kamek and Kamella entered timidly. "Dinner is served."

"Please sit next to me," Bowser mumbled to Kamek.

"Are you kidding? Kamella and I aren't even allowed to set our feet in the dining room. I was allowed to use the stair case, but Kamella had to be consecrated first, because she's a woman."

Bowser almost froze. What kind of summer was waiting for them?


End file.
